Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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