If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
