I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
this will be a night to untag.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
