I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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