Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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