The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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