My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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