Fuck appropriateness.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
