I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
