I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
