Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize