Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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