Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
