just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
