I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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