Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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