he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
