Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize