Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
