She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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