Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
