she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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