Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
