Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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