So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
