I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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