I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
send nudes
from the living room?
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