i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
