For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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