do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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