I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
