the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
