im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got inside last night via doggy door
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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