Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
