But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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