Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
