FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize