I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
