It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
