If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
