You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize