After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
