ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
