his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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