Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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