Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
