I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
