apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
