i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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