He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
