I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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