but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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