You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
