Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
