so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
