WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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