it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
