so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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