her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
