Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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