I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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