How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I party with great urgency now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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