i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
