proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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