just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
