you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
do herpes really smell.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
